• Posted November 18, 2024

Poll Finds Many Parents Struggling to Manage Kids' Anger

Angry outbursts are common among children, as siblings squabble and kids protest the unfairness of rules like screen time limits.

Now, a new survey shows that many parents struggle to manage their kids’ anger, and some even suspect they’re not providing a good example themselves.

Seven in 10 parents think they sometimes don't handle anger well and their kids may model that behavior, according to the University of Michigan Health C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children’s Health.

One in seven parents think their kids get angrier than peers the same age, and four in 10 say their child has experienced negative consequences when angry, the poll found.

“Children often react intensely to minor frustrations since they’re still building emotional regulation skills. Without guidance on how to express these feelings appropriately, it can lead to disruptive behaviors, problems at school and strained relationships,” said Mott Poll co-director Sarah Clark.

“Parents play an important role in teaching children how to process and manage their anger productively,” Clark added in a hospital news release. “But some parents may need guidance themselves on the best strategies to do this.”

More parents of boys than girls said their child has gotten angry enough to hurt themselves or others, have problems with friends or get in trouble at school, the poll found.

However, parents may not always use effective strategies to address a child’s anger. In fact, the poll found that only one in three parents said they've received any advice about helping kids learn anger management.

Even though more than three-fifths say their kid’s school has teachers or counselors to help children manage anger, less than half say the school provides information for parents on the topic.

“Children who feel or express emotions strongly may feel different from others, and if they are shamed for their anger, it could make it much worse,” Clark said. “It’s important for parents to let children know that getting angry does not make them a bad person and that they just need to learn to manage it."

Parents said strategies that help children process anger include:

• Cool-off activities like drawing, counting to 10 or deep breathing

• Physical outlets like ripping paper or squeezing a stress ball

• Providing a friendly ear so they have a chance to vent and be heard

“For many children, effective strategies involve taking some type of break from the momentary frustration, allowing the opportunity to calm down and regain control,” Clark said. “There’s no magic strategy that works for every child, so it’s helpful for parents to seek out different sources of information and advice and try different approaches.”

Parents can also help prevent angry outbursts by making sure they get enough sleep and exercise, identifying and avoiding anger triggers like feelings of fear or disappointment and avoiding over-scheduling.

“Anger is often a secondary emotion or a response to underlying feelings,” Clark said. “Understanding this may help adults approach situations with empathy and patience.”

Parents also should take the time to praise kids when they handle their anger constructively, Clark added.

“Rewarding children for successfully managing a frustrating situation can send a positive message,” Clark said. “However, punishing a child for getting angry or frustrated will be ineffective unless parents emphasize the importance of using strategies to manage their frustration.”

“Some children have temperaments that make them more prone to frustration, leading to quicker and more intense reactions,” Clark added.

Finally, parents should keep in mind that their children likely face different challenges and frustrations at school than at home, Clark said.

“At school, children have less control. They’re around peers, don’t have their own space, are forced to follow someone else’s schedule, and they can’t avoid things that make them upset,” Clark said. “It’s important for parents to understand how their children express emotions in this environment outside of home.”

School conferences can provide parents insight into how their kid handles day-to-day frustrations, and could inform teachers of anger-management strategies that work at home and might be adapted to the school setting, Clark said.

More information

The Child Mind Institute has more on anger management in children.

SOURCE: University of Michigan, news release, Nov. 18, 2024